the mindful path to consistency
I don’t have a crystal ball, but I can guess on why achieving your last goal or creating change failed…
You struggled to show up consistently for yourself and when it got difficult, or the results did not come fast enough your enthusiasm stalled and then…maybe you ditched the goal/change?
Ugh. Consistency. Humans…we are the worst at it!
I know, because sometimes it’s a super struggle for me to show up consistently for myself. And I know it’s a human thing because it’s a topic that I talk to clients, friends, family and anyone who shares their goal/ change stories with me.
The human brain does this really annoying thing. It tends to focus on the desired result or outcome. Leading us to discount the value and importance of the process. (I’m sure you have heard the phrase, “It’s about the journey, not the destination.”?) Sometimes we don’t even have a solid plan, sometimes we don’t have a higher perspective of the journey or the process. And we have a tendency to quit or give up when the perceived process feels too daunting or results and outcomes seem too far away.
So, do not beat yourself up. We ALL have done this at some point, and some of us have left an incredible trail of abandoned goals and changes.
Even though consistency can be a struggle, I want you to be successful. I want you to reach your goal. I want you to feel amazing about the positive change you create in your life. All because you show up for yourself consistently.
I want to give you 3 big tips to breaking through the consistency fails. If you have identified a goal you are hoping to reach and are worried that old habits might get in the way of being consistent; I want you to test out a more mindful path to consistency. Here’s how:
Do a little work on “setting the scene”. Call it recon. Call it pre-planning. Call it the exploration phase. Take a look at previous attempts you had at something that required consistency. Write this out or journal. Don’t settle for just thinking about it--you will benefit from seeing it concretely and you will recognize more opportunities to create strategies for support.
What are the pitfalls you need to be aware of that snared you before? How can you avoid this/these?
What does a spiral look like for you? (think: the downward spiral before you say, forget it, and quit) How will you know if you are starting to get overwhelmed, discouraged or just too dang frustrated at how slow change happens?
NOTE: Recognizing pitfalls and spirals are NOT an opportunity to pour on the guilt and shame for false starts or abandoned plans or mentally beat yourself up. Take the approach that you are data gathering—just observing—to increase your consistency next time. If you start to feel overwhelmed or depressed during these two observations, respond to yourself with compassion, love and understanding.
What kept you on track? How can you recreate this?
2. Start building your confidence in your ability to be consistent. So, here’s the thing, your track record for consistency isn’t always “FAIL”. It can’t be. It isn’t possible. And you might even be surprised at how you show up for yourself or those in your life consistently.
Grab your journal again and start to list all of the things you have done consistently in your time on this planet.
Anything and everything. “I brush my teeth twice a day”, “I scoop out the litter box daily”, “I feed myself/my children/my animals every single day”, “I hold the door open for the next person in the office when I arrive at work”, “I eat dessert after every dinner”, “I buckle my seat belt before I put the car in gear”, “I send out holiday cards each year”, “I am on time and prepared for class”, “I oversleep every Friday”, etc.
It doesn’t matter if you consider the consistent things as “good” habits or “bad” habits, just write down all the things you do consistently.
Pause. Now go back to the list and jot down why or how you showed consistency for each item. Why are you consistent? Even unproductive habits usually start as occasional things before becoming habits that we do consistently. But there is always a “why” behind consistency.
Again, anything and everything. “my fur/human family depends on me”, “I hate the smell of dirty litter”, “I value connection”, “It only takes a few seconds”, “I like to be prepared”, “It’s my responsibility”, “I don’t want to get cavities”, “It is an easy task”, “I deserve a treat”, etc.
Go back to the list. Which ones took time to become consistent? Which ones feel like small wins? Which ones are you proud of? Which ones feel like you can re-create the “why” for good?
When you catch yourself doing one of those small wins of positive consistency, acknowledge it. Celebrate it. Cheer yourself on! This will start help you to shift your belief/mindset about your abilities. You will feel more inspired and less anxious or agitated about consistency. You will be begin building your confidence in your ability to be consistent.
3. Lean into the other mindful secrets about consistency.
Practice letting go of holding onto too tightly of what you think you “should” be doing, “should” experience, how you “should” exist, etc. You probably already know this, but we can always benefit from reminders: The “should’s” actually do not motivate us and can create negative thoughts and emotions that knock us off the consistency pattern.
Practice letting go of the “If only” trap. The “if only” trap is a bit of faulty thinking. “If I only lose 10 pounds, I will have a better relationship with my body”, “If only I find a partner, I will be happy”, “If only I get the perfect job, will I be able to save more money”. “If only” distracts us from the root problem and ultimately delays feeling satisfied with ourselves and our life.
Be open and curious about the process of reaching your goal. There is so much richness and opportunities in the process. It allows us to learn and grow. It supports a shift in mindset and shift in behaviors. We actually find ourselves reaching our goals in a way that feels like less work and more flow.
Practice being adaptable and flexible. You are more resilient than you may think. Adopting a more “go with the flow” mindset may seem far off from where you are now, but giving yourself permission to assess and re-assess, shift and pivot, plot and re-plot your course are huge supports in staying consistent.
Allow for signs and synchronicities to serve as next steps and guideposts. It doesn’t all have to be planned out and you don’t always need to know every answer ahead of time. When you are feeling confused or unsure, let your guides send you a message for clarity.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Remember that suggestion of celebrating wins? Practice to recognize the good stuff in life. Send thanks for the positive and supportive experiences. Even tough lessons are lessons that can help us to move forward. Acknowledge and enjoy what you do have in your life.
Be an embodiment of grace. Don’t push or force change. Practice releasing your rigidity. Stop white-knuckling life. And if someone doesn’t understand the reason why you are working towards your goal, let it go. They don’t have to understand it. It’s not their path, it’s yours. Recognize when it’s time to take inspired action and when it’s time to sit back and wait for the next step (or time to rest, relax or reset).
Grace + Self talk. Watch how you are talking to yourself or treating yourself. Don’t be a jerk to yourself. Tough love is an outdated and unhelpful mode of “transformation”. I mentioned it before, but practice sending yourself love, compassion and understanding. Be a good friend to you.
Get reflective. What other change do you need to experience or embody so that you can be consistent? Changes can be in mindset, beliefs, or behaviors and actions. Is there something that has to be released? Is there something that needs to be added?
Identify and anchor in the state or emotion you want to experience as a result of your consistency with visualization. Inner peace, wisdom, healing, joy, inspiration, freedom, creativity, etc. What will life look like, how will you feel, what changes will occur with consistency?
Consistency may not feel like your strongest trait, but like any other practice, you can---and will---be successfully in achieving your goals through consistency. The more mindful you are in understanding your process, your journey, and the meaning behind your goal--the more you will be consistent. And reach your goals!!
If this at all seems too overwhelming or beyond where you are, reach out and we can chat about how I can support you in increasing your consistency and reaching your goals.
Wishing you patience for the practice of consistency,
Mary
